Archive for February 2012
Balle Kumar Melodies: Bahu Ki Haalat
Song: Hay!!
Lyrics: Guruprema Parvath
Pati Kanjoos
Sans Manhoos
Sasur Karela Ka Juice
Aur Baccha Hona Chahta Hain Jasoos
Ghar Pe Koi Khabar Na Laye
Ghar Ki Baath Chauraye Par
Chilla Chilla Kar
Failaye!!
Baccha Nahin Hain
Shaitan Hain Hay!!
Main Toh Kehti Hoon
Shaitan Ki Lag Gayee Hay!!
Balle Kumar Melodies: Hum Malabari
Song: Hum Malabari
Lyrics: Mummu Joseph
Hum Malabari
Chatur Vyapari
Akela Gaata Duet
Aur Jaata Kuwait
Peelake Thadi
Sheik Ko Beche
Sheik Ki Gaadi
Kerala Ka Rice
Se Humara Strong Mind
Aur Majboot Baady
Hum Malabari
Hum Malabari
Desi And Firangee
Desi: Lady let me help you carry your baggage
Firangee: What?
Desi: You seem to carry a lot of baggage around.
Firangee: Douche Bag
Desi: Which bag?
Firangee: Just leave me alone
Desi: Ok. I was just trying to help. I am going , keep your baggage alone in your dickey.
Firangee: Look , don’t abuse me. I will call cops.
Desi: What did I do now? I am going. Don’t follow me.
Balle Kumar Melodies: Children Song: Ohh Japani Murgi
Song: Ohh Japani Murgi
Lyrics: Manne Kaka
Ohh Japani Murgi
Bhuk Lagi Hain Mujhko
Fast De De Anda
Khana Hain Mujhko Aam Let
Bore Kar Dunga Mein Tujhe
Sunake Romeo-Juliet
Othello yaa fir
Lamba chouda Hamlet
Ohh Japani Murgi
Bhuk Lagi Hain Mujhko
Fast De De Anda
Khana Hain Mujhko Aam Let
Am let nahin mila toh
Mein Kahunga
Maa Bana Tu Murgi
Aisa Waisa Nahin
Mujhe Bas Chahiya Japani Murgi
Ohh Japani Murgi
Bhuk Lagi Hain Mujhko
Fast De De Anda
Khana Hain Mujhko Aam Let
Fat Man With A Sense of Humor
Yes, I am a fat man with a good sense of humor. You would have seen me being extra helpful and cracking jokes in the gym and doing nothing else there. You would seen me allowing other people to get in to the line at check out counters so that they listen to my jokes.You would have seen me near the extra large size section of clothes in the mall. Yes I know you would deny this saying that you have never gone to that section. But you would have definitely seen me trying to entertain kids of single mothers. Now I don’t love kids but the single mothers dote on their kids and don’t mind sharing a little of their love with the person whom their kid likes. I wish all women were single mothers!! I am never found in clubs and always in Food Marts as the chance of finding a single mother with kids is more in a mart than a club. Though I am fat by today’s standard but do you know that just till 20th century being overweight was the most happening thing. Look at the black and white photos and you will see all are well fed and healthy. You would have heard comments from your grandmother like”Poor Timmy Uncle was so thin, we were afraid he would not live long”. The same Timmy would have a hot granddaughter today with the right size who would be acting in some commercials promoting some healthy product which would prolong your life. Now if you don’t find me funny then please understand that I am not funny by birth but I became funny. I distinctly remember that I was about 8 years old and was eating a huge or rather gigantic sundae and cracked some kind of joke and a girl burst out laughing. Looking back I think she laughed at sight of me eating the sundae rather than the joke. Most people are more in to slapstick comedy any way, because that it the only thing they can understand. From that incident I understood that if I am funny I can have both the gigantic sundae and the girl. So from that time I just started watching comedies and funny sitcoms and I think about 5000 hours of these can make even a paraplegic funny. While watching TV I happened to dunk in too oceans of sodas, mountains of chips and god knows how much other junk food. Before I could realize I could only see my feet in the mirror.Looking down from my neck all I see is some undiscovered planet of the solar system.I lose my remote if I sat on the sofa and the remote would smell stinky later. I was a little sad about the condition in which I was but one day an opportunity came my way and I made the most of it. A company trying to produce energy from renewable resources got inspired by a Sci-Fi film and decided to use humans as a source of energy. Instead of connecting the pods to the brain they found that inserting it in some other place gives a better shot at what they are trying to achieve.They approached me to produce electricity from my farts, I was their first human subject it seems. Of Course! I said yes!! When the tests were successful one me I told them I know a lot of people who are like me and I can get them to you and all I want to be is a business partner. And Ladies now I am a millionaire too and I work from home. If you want to stay with me please just for your own sake leave me alone while I am working and we will have a great life!
Balle Kumar Melodies: Hyderabadi Hair Loss Song
Song: Hyderabadi Hair Loss Song
Lyrics: Gappu Ali
Aye Hain Loga
Bina Baala Ke
Jaise Unhe Panchiya Hain
Ek Dala Ke
Dekh Ke Hanse Loga
Jaise Hanse Kutta Raste Ka
Suna Hain Baala Ugaye
Shampoo Saste Ka
Sapnay Tooth Gaye
Honeymoon Ke
Simla Kullu Manali
Nainital Ke
Chodo Dekhne Sapnay Ab Pottiyon Kay
Dekho ab khwaba mere khala ke
Khala ke abhi poore baala hain
Marathi Love Corner
Woman: Tu Ahes Export Cha Amba, Shahrukh Tujhya Samori Khamba
Man: Tu Ahes Imported Gaadi, Kareena Tujhya Samori Jaadi
What kind of song is this?
King Cobra , King Cobra
Shant Jevdha Tevdha Bara
Bhadakla Tar Bai Bai
Ghackan Pakdun
Dank Marto Mala
Falgun Chacha
Bete Tu He Man, Super Man Maat Ban Ki Joh Jab Marji Aate Hain Aur Chale Jaate Hain. Tu Doberman ban , doberman jisse main jab seeti bajau tab aajaye aur main tumhe beethika ke rakhoon.
Vakil Mantu
Vakil Mantu: Mee Lord main kuch kehana khahta hoon. Yeh joh kathere main aapke saamne khadi hain woh koi mamuli aurat nahin hain. Woh hain Sanam Aunty. Sanam Aunty ke pati ki maut shaadi ke raat ke pehle hui aur uss ke baad bhi aunty ne khud se 2 bacche paida kiye aur unhe bada kiye. Usne goa ke logon ke swasth ke liye massage parlor khola. Arre maa etne pyar se school se aate bacche ko paas nahin bulati utne pyar se parlor ki ladkiyan hume school se aate vakt andar bulati thi.(sob). Poore Goa ki hi nahin par bahar ke tourist logon ka Sanam Aunty ne seva ki. Forex laya, goa ko duniya ke map pe vasco da gama ke baad aunty ne lagaya. Joh aurat apna tan nahin choopati, man nahin choopati usse aap dhan chupane ke aarop mein ees kathere mein khade kar rahein ho. Sharam anni chahiye. Doobna chahihe apko samanadar main. Arre yaad kijiye woh feni , woh fried fish and russian model stella
Judge: bas bas vakil mantu jee. aap ne prove kar diya kee aunty nirdosh hain. hum aunty ko ba izzat bali kar dete hain.
Crowd: Vakil mantu ki jay ho, vakil mantu ki jay.
Julai Baba
Reporter Kishan comes to take the interview of famous July Baba. Baba’s assistant replies on behalf of Baba. As Baba is having his Maun Vrat ..
Reporter Kishan: Baba Jee Aapka Naam Julaai Baba Kyun Hain?
Madhu Sudan: Bete, babajee duniya se bore ho jaate hain es liye apne manoranjan ke liye apna naam har mahine badal te. Peechle Mahine Enka Naam June Baba.
Reporter Kishan: Madhu Sudan Jee. Toh Babajee Har Din Naam Kyun Nahin Badalte?
Madhu Sudan: Correction Jee. Mera Naam Madhu Hain Aur Main Sudan Se Hoon. Mera Naam Madhu Sudan Nahin Hain. Bhakton Ko Kasht Na Ho Esliye. Vaise veh apne middle naam yaane ki baap kaa naam har din badalte hain, din ke hisaab se. Jaise aaj sri babajee ka naam Julai Somvaar Baba Hain.
Reporter Kishan:Kamal Hain, toh aap ke bade bhakt hain.
Madhu Sudan:Haan sab log baba ke bhakt. Baba chamatkar joh dikhate hain.
Reporter Kishan:Kaisa Chamatkar
Madhu Sudan: Es saal joh baarish hui woh baba ke aashirwaad se hui
Reporter Kishan:Kya baat karte hain , baarish toh honi hi thi. Weather department toh 4 mahine pehle kahan tha.
Madhu Sudan: Haan esliye ki baba ne advance mein aashirwaad diya tha.
Reporter Kishan:Aur Kya Karte Tumhare Baba?
Madhu Sudan: Baba khud ke muh se apna taarif nahin karte. brochure padh lo. paise hain naa. bahar kharid lena.
Reporter Kishan: Toh Baba ke ashram main koi cheez free kyun nahin hain.
Madhu Sudan: Esliye ke logon ko yeh pata chale ki free kuch nahin hota. sab cheezon ki keemat hoti. baba har ek message dena chahte hain.
Reporter Kishan: Baba Ki Umar Kitni Hain.
Madhu Sudan: Tum Guess Karo
Reporter Kishan:40 years.
Madhu Sudan: Kya close guess kiya hain. Baba ki umar hain 540 saal. ek dum close guess kiya apne. kya meditation vagaira karte ho?
Reporter Kishan:Mujhe baba par yakeen nahin hain.
Madhu Sudan: Tumhare editor sahab ko hain. agar pragati ke path par chalana chahte ho toh tumhare swami jahan par vishwas rakhte hain wahan par tum bhi rakhon. kyun?
Reporter Kishan:main samajh gaya. babajee ki jai!
Madhu Sudan:Poore magazine bhar babajee ki kirti chapana. Kyun
Reporter Kishan: Ha Ha Jaroor. Woh Babajee Bhavishya dekhte hain.
Madhu Sudan: Haan hum batate hain. Kuch der pehle tak tumhare saare grahan utle the. Par jaise hi tumne baba mein apni shraddha dikhai sab theek ho gaya.abhi jaao ati shigrataha article chappon.
